「 Wednesday, May 24, 2006 」
hmm..
yups..boring life..as usual for this whole week..im totally drain out..catching every free time just to take a nap..struggling to keep myself awake..i just cant focus...got back my report book today..really dissapointed with myself..terriblely though i already knew the marks..really gave me the green light that i must move...cant slack anymore.. been saying this to myself..hope it goes in...hmm..everything is just not fine...starting to feel more and more silent...silent to everything..i guess it just an excuse that im tired...who can be tired all day..just replying to what people ask me..laughing at their jokes..meerly making myself exist...'bird!'...loLs..really..i wanna ask some people do i even exist as part of their life? or just exist as a bypasser at a part of their life...no one can answer this i guess...really? i wanna ask..do my parents really care.. im like rushing through my workload...and they ask me to do things i never desire to do...come on! i have a 'bloody' chinese o' levels..and my workload is like tons(take alot of effort to do chinese, extremely tough for me)...no time even for my revision...forced me into following my bro to camp...if my bro know about this he wun't want me to go too...dun my parents know i got a o' level to take..there's a chance i'll be moving house again..cant they just do it nxt year..im like getting treated as dust..i think thats the problem in acting too strong in fornt of your family..they will just think you can handle everything by yourself..nahs..im just too soft...cant do anything...i guess everything turn out to be me as the problem..cant overcome this fear in me...not those phobia that im scared..this fear...the worst part of it...i dun even know what im fearing of... 'Tired i guess' i think that not the main reason that im not talking to her...making myself feel better i guess..but i dont want that to happen..yup..i know you are trying your best to talk to me...i will try my best to talk to you too..just dun 'dao' me.. i will sian diao..*dissapointed* ..will be always looking out for you...* really need you *...i guess..haiS..
* my heart beats for you *
* 3/4/5 more days *
